You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
