and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
