I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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