You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
