They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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