Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
