normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
