if only i could text you this smell
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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