I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
