I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
