New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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