sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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