dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize