I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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