corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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