Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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