Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
