I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
