i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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