Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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