I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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