my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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