god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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