I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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