the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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