I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
