That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am mentally ready for anal.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
