You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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