it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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