I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
