Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
