the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
