Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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