we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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