You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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