from now on my penis is your penis
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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