Im at strip club and am horny
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
