blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
