I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
the liver wants what the liver wants
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
