i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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