can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
