Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
