cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
