so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
