Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
