there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
