they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
