I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
