Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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