hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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