On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
