New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize