well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
