remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
