If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
