youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
