It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
