38 yer olds are good kisserssss
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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