How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
