mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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