he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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