Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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