I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
