it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
