I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
