Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
