its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
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