Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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