He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
