We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize