Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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